Jokes aside– It is difficult not to feel like you are the center of the universe. I think my thoughts and feel my feelings all day everyday. No matter how many times I empathize with others the chapters in their Book of Life seem to go on reading blank unless I am with them–whereas since mine is open all the time it feels like it is the only one. (I have never been very good at reading more than one book at a time).

Anyway… So Chad and I hear a BOOM CRASH WAIL in the middle of the night. Chad bolts up and grabs Alden. Just looking at Chad’s face I knew he was asleep. He was seeing a completely different scene all around us than I was. The terror he saw was written all over his face. I NEVER want to see him like that again.

I grabbed a crying Eden off of the floor where she had fallen out of bed (the BOOM CRASH WAIL). Chad was still trying to will Alden back to life. Was Alden crying? I don’t remember. But Chad’s face had fallen. The light in his eyes, the strength and confidence in his figure–really everything everyone sees in Chad–was far away.

I have often felt overwhelmed by what would happen to my life–to me–if anything happened to one of the kids or Chad. I have wondered if losing me would put much of a dent at all in Chad’s life. He is so self-assured. I will never wonder again. And he needed me. I was the one who could talk him down and give him the support he needed. Sometimes I feel like Chad does all the giving and I do all the taking. As much as I am haunted by his fragile image holding Alden in the night, I am comforted to know that he needs me and I am what he needs.