I started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago. I spent the first couple of sessions laying down my history. Thankfully I have good friends and family who I can talk things out with, so I asked the therapist how I can know I am making progress, what tools or habits I can include in my life that will help me and how to get the most out of my sessions.

Firstly, my goal in therapy is to get assistance dealing with grief. Secondly, I want to learn how to be happy again. I feel like I am out of my depth in most, if not all, aspects of my life – mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, as a mother, as a person. I asked Chad a little while back what makes him happy. What makes me happy? I’m not sure I know anymore. I want to figure out how to enjoy life again. At this point, if someone were to give me a “Get Out of Life Free” pass, I would welcome just being done.

Some things that made me happy this week were:

Seeing the sunshine: waking up to light skies was fantastic, even if it did mean I slept in too long.

Going outside: the boys and I went for a “run/walk” one morning. Having low expectations of how the time went beside just getting out and making it back before meltdowns made it enjoyable. They threw rocks on the frozen storage pond. We cut the route short when legs were getting tired. We stopped by a playground so they could get their pants wet going down icy slides.

Building Lego with Alden: I was helping Alden with his new Lego set one of the days and he said to me, “I love doing this with you Mom!” He has this genuine, enthusiastic way of saying “Thanks!” that always makes me smile.

Getting a backrub: Chad rubbed my shoulders one night, and then my friend Rachel tickled my back during Relief Society today. For some reason that just calms me and makes me feel super loved.

Accolades: Rachelle Hrncirik and I sang a simple arrangement of Keep the Commandments at church today. We may have spent 5 minutes total talking about it and running through part of it once. It turned out so pretty. People were generous with their compliments and it feels good to do something “right” or inspiring.