My past has been haunting me as the numbers on the scale keep climbing. Memories of getting mooed at in the halls and being referred to as “Fatboy” keep creeping in (kids can be so mean). I have always been a big girl. When my measurements have been at their smallest they are still bigger than many girls at their largest. I have really tried not to “let myself go” just because I am pregnant, but it seems my body has different ideas. Even with staying active and feeling pretty healthy I have managed to gain more weight than desired. I realize I hold myself to a different standard than others. What is OK for the rest of humanity is simply unacceptable for me sometimes. My self image has had to battle a lot these past months and I keep wondering where the magic switch in my head is to simply be content with myself.
Chad is wonderful and still sees a much prettier girl than I am seeing. I have had a hard time just accepting his opinion since it always seems so biased. It was honestly such a relief to hear him confirm that I have put on all the pounds I am seeing and still pay me the compliments and attention he always does.
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It is hard, especially at the end of your pregnancy. You are so close though! It’s hard when you try so hard to keep up exercising and see the scale climbing higher. I know I had a hard time when I was at the mall and realized that I couldn’t fit into one outfit that the store was selling. It’s also fun though after the baby is here to see how much weight you can lose, almost like a game! 🙂
Oh, that is so awful! I didn’t know you used to be “big” when you were younger – you could have fooled me. I thought you were one of those “always has been skinny” people!! Even if you don’t lose the weight you put on, it is so worth it to bring these babies into the world. And I think that magic button will appear when you realize what miraculous things your body can do – you can create a life!! You can push a baby out of a small hole! That magic button will come sometime. It didn’t appear until after my second kid. Now, I jog for the endorphins; I couldn’t care less about the weight.
August 25, 2008 @ 10:27 pm
Elisa, I completely understand. I’ve always been skinny, but have dealt with other self-esteem issues growing up, and gaining all that baby weight really threw me for a loop. (I gained nearly 40 pounds). I’ve never been pretty, but at least I was skinny! With Kiera, I didn’t even have that! Good thing our husbands can see us better than we can!