I am trying to get a consistent schedule of activities to do that help me exercise more consistently. With Zumba I get a two-fer. Rachel Terry is a blast to do it with; she is an exceptional instructor. Then I hang out with her after for lunch or something or another. After one of her classes when we were getting cleaned up she mentioned there was a Groupon deal for Tokyo Steakhouse in Bellevue. When I asked what the big deal was she was surprised I didn’t already know. We immediately purchased the Groupons and scheduled a triple date for a couple days later.

Rachelle and Cory Hrncirik, Rachel and Eric Terry and we met up at the restaurant at 8. We sat in couples and soon rearranged our seating arrangement so I could sit and chat with the girls instead of just listening to Eric and Chad talk. We had so much fun talking about everything including my worst date story. Then the men wanted to continue at Cheesecake factory. They are all such good company and it was only when poor Rachelle and Cory looked like they were going to melt that the party broke up. Chad was still ready to keep going. We are really blessed to have such a fun group around.

We had been really trying to get Jasher to take some responsibility with potty training. If we forced him to try and use the toilet every 30 minutes then things were fine but as soon as we started transitioning to allow him to listen to his body he proved that he is either incapable or completely uninterested in staying clean and dry.

Chad was home a few days during the week because of the holiday and to help out with Jasher. This was bad news for the wood pile. Chad is a rock star at keeping a gorgeous fire going in the fire place. He is always making trips outside to carry in more armfuls of wood. I love it. There is something very comforting about a fire.

Eden’s teacher, Mrs. Gerber asked us to recommit ourselves to waking early with Eden. She does so much better at school if she has more time with us in the morning and more time to wake up before school. Eden also had a special stake event to prepare her for her baptism this year, “It’s Great to Be Eight”. It was fun to show her the font and clothes. Then she and Alden, Chad and I went for a Blizzard at Dairy Queen, which was a fun throwback to when my mom would take us for treats there after church events.

Alden moved up in gymnastics so he is now attending a class at the same time as Eden and with his favorite coach, Coach Morgan. He really enjoys it and Coach Morgan really enjoys Alden. Alden also gave a talk in primary on Sunday. Alden refused help from all the adults at first. He said that he knew what he would say already. To humor him, I asked him to start giving us his talk as if it were already Sunday. He said, “Behold!”After thinking for a minute, then he admitted, “Maybe I do need a little help.”

I was able to do an open studio art class where I was able to finish up a dry point etching and make a bunch of prints. They turned out so fun. I can’t wait for another art class session to begin.

Sunday during our family meeting we started a new activity where we shared a brag. We each took turns pointing out the things each of our family members had done that we appreciated or were proud of as well as something that we ourselves had done that pleased us. The kids took to it far more than I anticipated. So now we are looking for things to brag about each Sunday.

The Ugly:

I have been struggling with my weight again. Gosh, I hate the way that sounds. I really wish I could just be fat and happy. Eat what I want. Sure I’ll have another one of those soul soothing baked goods. Mmm. However I have just enough discontent to feel like I am out of control, or feel unhappy with how I look or how my clothes fit. Just not quite enough to feel motivated to change. There is so much to change! I should eat more of ABC and less of XYZ. I should drink more water. I should weight train, I should be more consistent with exercising. I should change the way I perceive myself. I should not use food as a reward or an emotional bandaid. Ummm… so…. I quit. I am so easily overwhelmed by all of the things I need to change.

The Bad:

Stupid, stupid car. Did you hear my tires are ruined? You know, the ones we just replaced a year ago? It turns out alignment is important and ours was off. Cha-ching! Almost $500 for two stupid tires plus 3 trips to the shop just to get them on. First they sold me the wrong tire size, oops! Then after they put the spare on and we had to take the original rim and tire out to move something I forgot it at home. Three trips of being stranded because we only have one car. So I had the alignment checked and the 60k servicing done. But apparently this part needed replacing and that fluid needed flushing. $1000. No biggie. I bought myself cheesecake to console myself.

The Good:

Save the best for last. Chad and I had a dance lesson date. We had forgotten so much and knew we were so bad but we had a great time together. We got to go see Sean Meckley play in an ice hockey game and saw him score! Time with the Meckleys is always fun. Earlier in the week I was asked to sing “A Child’s Prayer” for a Relief Society activity. Kaye Cook asked me because she had a powerful personal experience when my mom and I sang the duet back when I was 8 years old. I would have never known that I did something that would impact someone like that. It was like a little glimpse into my own “It’s a Wonderful Life” story. Oh, and we watched The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. It was most excellent.

I started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago. I spent the first couple of sessions laying down my history. Thankfully I have good friends and family who I can talk things out with, so I asked the therapist how I can know I am making progress, what tools or habits I can include in my life that will help me and how to get the most out of my sessions.

Firstly, my goal in therapy is to get assistance dealing with grief. Secondly, I want to learn how to be happy again. I feel like I am out of my depth in most, if not all, aspects of my life – mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, as a mother, as a person. I asked Chad a little while back what makes him happy. What makes me happy? I’m not sure I know anymore. I want to figure out how to enjoy life again. At this point, if someone were to give me a “Get Out of Life Free” pass, I would welcome just being done.

Some things that made me happy this week were:

Seeing the sunshine: waking up to light skies was fantastic, even if it did mean I slept in too long.

Going outside: the boys and I went for a “run/walk” one morning. Having low expectations of how the time went beside just getting out and making it back before meltdowns made it enjoyable. They threw rocks on the frozen storage pond. We cut the route short when legs were getting tired. We stopped by a playground so they could get their pants wet going down icy slides.

Building Lego with Alden: I was helping Alden with his new Lego set one of the days and he said to me, “I love doing this with you Mom!” He has this genuine, enthusiastic way of saying “Thanks!” that always makes me smile.

Getting a backrub: Chad rubbed my shoulders one night, and then my friend Rachel tickled my back during Relief Society today. For some reason that just calms me and makes me feel super loved.

Accolades: Rachelle Hrncirik and I sang a simple arrangement of Keep the Commandments at church today. We may have spent 5 minutes total talking about it and running through part of it once. It turned out so pretty. People were generous with their compliments and it feels good to do something “right” or inspiring.