I love Black-market American drugs!!! A bunch of the American girls pooled together their left over prescriptions for nausea during pregnancy. Thanks to their fabulous contributions and Rachel’s awesome knowledge, experience and drug running I have had the best day in weeks!!! Thank you everyone SO much! Now I just have to make it last until I can get some more.

Disclaimer: if you are the type of person who doesn’t wish to discuss politics or hear the opinions of someone who may not be the brightest in this area STOP reading. Since curiosity never allows anyone to stop reading after a disclaimer like that, please don’t hate me for the way I see things, but please help me understand your opinions if they are different than my own.

I have had a lot of time lately to think. Think about how great it is to be unconscious of how you’re feeling. Think about how I could never go through chemotherapy. Think about all sorts of things related to my health and pregnancy and a lot about some completely unrelated topics too. As most of you know, the United States primary elections are taking place. Chad and I have had some long talks about issues and candidates. We’ve posted our ballots and hoped in some small way to be heard. We both voted in Washington’s Republican primary, but the day I put the ballots in the mail was the day Romney dropped out, so there was no disputing the winner anymore anyway. I hope we have better luck during the November elections.

As we went down the list of issues and how candidates felt about them it was astonishing. I Initially felt that all of the lead candidates are very capable and would do a terrific job of being a President. Then I saw them agreeing with things like torture and wiretapping and loss of habeas corpus. It makes me wonder who these people are and what they really do stand for. What happened to days and times when the leader of our country was also someone who you looked up to and who was a moral example? I find myself feeling very disappointed and more patriotic than ever. My patriotism is not a reflection of what our country is today and what it is standing out as to the world. My patriotism clings to thin hope that we can still become the America that many still believe we can be. A place where freedom rings and opportunity is coupled with hard work and a man can worship as he pleases.

A place where we remember why we became a country in the first place. In all my history lessons I do not remember ever learning that early Americans wanted to conquer the world and be the king of the mountain. Instead we wanted to be able to get out from under tyranny. America seems to have become the tyrant. There is so much hypocrisy in our example now. If your country is messing up then like crusaders we will come in and force democracy upon you. If you utter contrary cries than we’ll destroy you like the heretics. It doesn’t help that Elisa and I are reading Catch-22 right now. You start seeing hypocrisy everywhere you look by the time you get to the end of the book. 🙂

We keep the world from developing weapons of mass destruction because no one can be trusted but ourselves–but we make them and we USED them; who cannot be trusted? If there is rumor that these weapons exist we will mow your country over into submission. When did the US become the world’s big brother? When did the US become everyone’s bully?

There’s so many Americans that just don’t care what direction the US is going in. That bothers me more than the behavior of the politicians. I’m not surprised anymore to see innocent people getting killed because of misguided wars, or to see corruption at home. But I’m always surprised at people that are happy with all that. Maybe people just don’t think they have time to keep up with the news, and so it’s more convenient to assume that there must be a good reason for whatever the leaders decide to do.

I have been so sad, more than I can say, that I have been ashamed to claim my nationality while living here in Switzerland. I do, but it seems to always be followed by a disclaimer. Not one that says, “In a second I’m going to tell you where I am from and you’re not going to like it but let me explain.” It is more along the lines of, “I am American, but I don’t think that everything they’re doing is really great–or good at all!” When did the United States become a homeland that we must beware of claiming when we are abroad? It is one of the saddest things to see that the US is not what some of us Americans still hope it can be.

This week has been pretty rotten for me. I feel gross and keep feeling grosser. I went to the doctor’s and they are super natural here and won’t give me drugs. The doctor recommended the same box of vitamins so many times, even though Elisa has already been taking them. I usually opt to not medicate myself if at all possible but throwing up all the time and feeling awful either way just doesn’t work for me.

So instead they offered to give me an IV and acupuncture. Whatever works right? What a drag. For the last two days I have gone into the doctor to get poked and have the drip. I am still feeling awful and still throwing up. They don’t speak such good English at this clinic we tried, and that was stressful. It would be easier at a place where the doctor is fluent.

Chad came along to my first appointment and got an early view into to the wonderful world of feminine medicine. I felt so awkward, but I guess in due time he’ll be seeing a lot more awkward so I better get used to it. I thought it was kind of funny to see the total humiliation that a feminine exam involves. So sue me. After the doctor told me that they wouldn’t give me anything for my nausea nor my motion sickness for our flights in March, and that the baby must have sneaked in at the end of a cycle because we are only 9 weeks along not 11 like we thought, so I’ll be feeling horrible for at least 3 more weeks if I’m lucky, I was pretty sure nothing could cheer me up. But seeing a very little person on an ultrasound and a little heart beating was pretty awesome. The new projected due date is Sept 12.

So I am trying to imagine that I could possibly choose to do this again in the future–but that is pretty difficult. Everyone says it’s worth it and I am sure it is, but adoption is looking like a pretty nice alternative right now. As long as this one has those awesome blue eyes of Chad’s I may not be up for this again. That or we’ll make sure we’re in the states where they will drug me up. A lot of people say that women in the old days went through childbirth and pregnancy without all the modern things–those people seem to forget that the mortality rate was also not so good back in the day.