My emotional climate is subject to changes in temperature, humidity, atmospheric pressure. I cycle through seasons of winter, spring, summer and autumn. Frozen stillness and emptiness generates a delicate blossom; new and fragile. Newness becomes familiar, familiar becomes forgotten, forgotten becomes frigid and lost.

I am coexisting in different hemispheres.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…

I am overwhelmed, exhausted and weary yet blessings were never more abundant.

I miss having personal space. I am a jungle gym for jumping, climbing, dodging, kicking, etc. I live my life by a clock of feeding times, sleeping times, and everything in between. I answer the same questions and give the same directions infinite times. I wait for relief only to discover I am on the clock 24/7. When I rest my brain is occupied with how I can be and do better. Ignoring and delegating leave me feeling overwhelmed and inadequate.

But, ahh, the very best of the very best of times! To sing songs to a two year old as she winds down for sleep. Excitedly turning over and over in her bed only to stop and give a quick but tender peck before asking for another tune. Answering the call over and over of a little girl who longs to be with me and share all the exciting discoveries she makes. Watching the joy surge through her body when she is permitted to go wake up her little brother. Seeing how he convulses with happiness to see his big sister, his Papi, his Mama. What completely innocent and beautiful elation!

These beautiful children who have changed my identity and daily stretch my capabilities remind me that these are the best of times.

Eden loved the playsets they had on-site. Eden is addicted to swings. And she keeps trying to climb up to the monkey bars. She asks me for help. But I can’t give it to her, because then she’ll just be more overconfident than she already is. So I just stand guard under her where I could cushion a fall, and she stands on the top ladder rung and reaches up and hangs from the bar. The resort really had a great program for little kids. We were even able to put Alden down for a few naps in their daycare center.

It was fun to drag Eden around the pool on a floaty. Or wade with her around the shallows. One of my very favorite times was in the morning before we flew home to Salt Lake. We went down to the beach and got to play together. Eden and I drew pictures in the sand. Chad and I started burying my legs and then Eden would find them. Then we buried Eden. First her legs, then her torso then her arms, then she asked for her neck. We tracked disgusting amounts of sand into the room most days.

When we planned this vacation we knew we would be traveling somewhere where I could go ziplining in the jungle. With the kiddos it looked like it might be difficult to arrange. I told Chad that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if it didn’t happen. Thankfully he knew how I really felt even when I didn’t.

When we started making arrangements with my dad and brother I realized that even if no one else was going I WAS! I could not wait. I was so exited to go.

We traveled about 40 minutes outside of town to Los Veranos. The drive alone was a sight. My dad was fantastic and hung out with Eden and Alden while Daniel, Chad and I went flying. It was relaxing, exhilarating, amazing! The guys running the lines were so fun and made it even more of a blast. I cannot wait to do it again.

The company had a little zoo at the bottom. I took Eden into the monkey cage. They licked some food off our fingers. Then we petted some rabbits. Finally we held on to a boa constrictor. I carried Eden while the snake was draped around our shoulders. Eden complained a little bit, but not about what you might think: “Eden hold it.” So I took the snake off my shoulders and put it all around her. After we were done, she came back twice for more turns. She also bragged about the big spider that she found on the wall.