Dumb Dog

We had the missionaries over for dinner this week. One of the missionaries, Elder Hunt or Hunter (I can’t remember which is which), is from Gridley, CA. His family was living there and attended the same ward as I served in, Gridley 3rd. Granted this missionary was 8 years old. I have no recollection of him nor him of me but it was fun to pull out my missionary stuff and reminisce.

It is pretty awkward to have missionaries over. I am not super grounded in my testimony so I don’t have the desire to shout it from the mountain tops. Missionaries have a number of challenges they propose to help strengthen faith. Daily family scriptures. Check! (We are on 220 days in a row!) Family home evening. Check! (with our family planning meeting the night before, it gets done and we look forward to it.) Then there is personal prayer and scriptures. Not checked.

I am much more at ease with where I am at spiritually right now. I am okay with not knowing and not feeling. It is easier. A few months ago when I was super insecure about what I must be doing wrong to cause me to feel so forsaken or guilty or abandoned and unworthy or just not one of God’s chosen, I tried very hard to do ALL the things that would help me feel closer to God. I prayed and felt alone. I read scriptures and felt confused and angry and overwhelmed. I went to the temple and felt uncomfortable and like an outsider. All these things that used to bring such peace, strength and understanding were now the source of great despair, shame and solitude.

My relationship with God is not a priority right now. In Anne of Green Gables Anne says, “God made my hair red on purpose, and I’ve never cared about Him since.” I relate a lot with Anne. I have had unrealistic expectations. I thought if I knocked, my way to God would be opened. I believed that God loved me, I believed that He would help me to find hope and peace when everything felt hopeless. I counted on it. I professed it. Then I was left. Alone. Empty. Or at least unable to find my way. So I don’t trust God. I feel like a dog that has been beat by it’s owner and still remains loyal. I keep creeping back with my tail between my legs hoping that maybe this time He’ll acknowledge me. It is just easier on my heart to resolve, like Anne, not to care.

Posted by on February 9th, 2016

2,049 Comments »

1

November 16, 2017 @ 2:27 pm

You must take part in a contest for one of the best blogs on the web. I’ll advocate this site!

2

November 16, 2017 @ 2:46 pm

generic viagra pillshttp://canadapharmacyonlinewxr.com/viagra uk salesbuy cialisbuy generic viagra online

3

November 16, 2017 @ 3:32 pm

I got this site from my pal who shared with me on the topic of this web page and at the moment this time I am visiting this website and reading very informative content at this place.|

4

November 16, 2017 @ 4:26 pm

Isso faz com que os treinos possam ser mais intensos. http://livesamsung.ru/user/LeonardoX32/

5

November 16, 2017 @ 5:54 pm

Hello, its fastidious piece of writing regarding media print, we all understand media is a enormous source of data.|

6

November 16, 2017 @ 7:32 pm

Ao todo, foram tranquilamente uns 10kg embora! http://www.pmcomfort.com/blog/rating/item/84-trane-xr95

7

November 17, 2017 @ 2:16 am

Hi there exceptional blog! Does running a blog such as this require a lot of work? I’ve absolutely no understanding of coding but I was hoping to start my own blog soon. Anyhow, should you have any ideas or tips for new blog owners please share. I understand this is off subject however I just had to ask. Thanks!|

8

November 17, 2017 @ 3:27 am

safe generic viagrahttp://aviagraonlineq.com/viagra shelf lifeviagra online

9

November 17, 2017 @ 4:27 am

Saved as a favorite, I love your blog!|

10

November 17, 2017 @ 7:30 am

I have to show some thanks to you for rescuing me from such a matter. As a result of researching through the online world and finding advice which are not productive, I was thinking my life was gone. Living without the strategies to the difficulties you’ve resolved all through this blog post is a serious case, and the kind which may have negatively damaged my entire career if I hadn’t discovered the blog. Your actual natural talent and kindness in playing with all the pieces was valuable. I’m not sure what I would have done if I had not come across such a step like this. It’s possible to now look forward to my future. Thanks a lot very much for the reliable and amazing help. I won’t hesitate to refer the website to anybody who ought to have guidance on this matter.

11

November 17, 2017 @ 8:36 am

It’s remarkable to pay a visit this website and reading the
views of all mates on the topic of this piece of writing, while I
am also zealous of getting familiarity.

12

November 17, 2017 @ 8:49 am

Oh my goodness! an incredible article dude. Thanks Nonetheless I am experiencing difficulty with ur rss . Don?t know why Unable to subscribe to it. Is there anyone getting an identical rss downside? Anybody who is aware of kindly respond. Thnkx

13

November 17, 2017 @ 8:59 am

I just couldn’t go away your web site prior to suggesting that I extremely loved the standard info
a person provide to your visitors? Is going to be again ceaselessly to inspect new posts

14

November 17, 2017 @ 9:50 am

buy cialis online with a prescription
cialis without doctor
can you buy generic cialis usa

15

November 17, 2017 @ 12:29 pm

Hi, this weekend is fastidious for me, because this occasion i am reading this enormous educational post here at my residence.|

16

November 17, 2017 @ 2:39 pm

I think this is one of the most significant info for me. And i’m glad reading your article. But want to remark on few general things, The site style is perfect, the articles is really excellent : D. Good job, cheers|

17

November 17, 2017 @ 4:58 pm

I am regular visitor, how are you everybody?
This piece of writing posted at this web page is actually nice.

18

November 17, 2017 @ 8:11 pm

kissanime is best site to watch anime online free

19

November 17, 2017 @ 8:15 pm

cialis low dose price – http://newcheaprx1onlinev.com brand cialis buy online [url=http://newcheaprx1onlinev.com]generic cialis[/url] ’

20

November 17, 2017 @ 9:39 pm

movie site is best site to watch movies online free

21

November 17, 2017 @ 11:03 pm

My brother recommended I might like this blog. He was totally right. This post actually made my day. You can not imagine simply how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!|

22

November 18, 2017 @ 12:37 am

Awesome blog! Do you have any suggestions for aspiring
writers? I’m hoping to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost on everything.
Would you recommend starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid
option? There are so many options out there that I’m completely confused ..
Any tips? Thank you!

23

November 18, 2017 @ 1:16 am

Appreciate this post. Let me try it out.|

24

November 18, 2017 @ 2:00 am

I am glad for commenting to let you be aware of of the incredible experience my friend’s daughter developed using yuor web blog. She learned lots of details, which included how it is like to have a wonderful helping mood to make other folks just understand a variety of specialized issues. You actually exceeded our own expectations. Thank you for delivering these productive, safe, edifying and easy tips on that topic to Lizeth.

25

November 18, 2017 @ 9:12 am

A lot of thanks for your whole effort on this site. Kim loves getting into investigations and it’s really easy to understand why. A number of us learn all regarding the dynamic ways you give functional guidance by means of your blog and in addition inspire participation from some other people on that article and our own simple princess is in fact discovering a lot of things. Have fun with the remaining portion of the year. You’re the one carrying out a splendid job.

26

November 18, 2017 @ 9:25 am

This is a good tip particularly to those new to the blogosphere. Short but very precise info? Thanks for sharing this one. A must read post!|

27

November 18, 2017 @ 11:31 am

This is really fascinating, You’re an overly professional blogger. I’ve joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking extra of your magnificent post. Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks|

28

November 18, 2017 @ 2:16 pm

onpage keyword chung minh tai chinh lui ngay top 1 google.

29

November 18, 2017 @ 2:45 pm

onpage keyword chung minh tai chinh lui ngay top 1 google.

30

November 18, 2017 @ 7:20 pm

Spot on with this write-up, I honestly think this amazing site needs a great deal more attention. I’ll probably be back again to read more, thanks for the advice!|

31

November 18, 2017 @ 9:34 pm

Oh my goodness! Incredible article dude! Thank you so much, However I am having troubles with your RSS. I don’t know why I cannot subscribe to it. Is there anybody else having the same RSS problems? Anybody who knows the solution will you kindly respond? Thanx!!|

32

November 18, 2017 @ 9:38 pm

Votre avion cargo charter sera traité en priorité.

33

November 18, 2017 @ 9:41 pm

Great Post, Keep working hard!! 🙂

34

November 18, 2017 @ 10:12 pm

cialis soft tabs uk – http://newcheaprx1onlinev.com cialis effectiveness [url=http://newcheaprx1onlinev.com]generic cialis[/url] ’

35

November 18, 2017 @ 10:38 pm

real cialis pills
viagra without doctor prescription
buy cialis no prescription needed

36

November 19, 2017 @ 2:29 am

cialis pills online – http://newcheaprx1onlinev.com cialis.com [url=http://newcheaprx1onlinev.com]generic cialis[/url] ’

37

November 19, 2017 @ 3:08 am

online roulette iphone
casino arizona
online casino malta
new no deposit bonus uk
hot forex no deposit bonus

38

November 19, 2017 @ 5:06 am

You should take part in a contest for among the finest blogs on the web. I’ll recommend this web site!

39

November 19, 2017 @ 5:07 am

This article offers clear idea for the new people of blogging, that in fact how to do blogging.|

40

November 19, 2017 @ 5:46 am

you’ve gotten an awesome weblog here! would you like to make some invite posts on my weblog?

41

November 19, 2017 @ 7:11 am

Hello, I wish for to subscribe for this website to obtain most up-to-date updates, so where can i do it please help out.|

42

November 19, 2017 @ 3:05 pm

I am no longer certain the place you are getting your info, however great topic. I must spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thank you for great info I used to be looking for this info for my mission.|

43

November 19, 2017 @ 3:11 pm

I have read so many articles or reviews regarding the blogger lovers but this paragraph is
really a nice article, keep it up.

44

November 19, 2017 @ 5:18 pm

Hi there Dear, are you actually visiting this website on a regular basis, if so after that you will definitely take nice know-how.|

45

November 19, 2017 @ 7:26 pm

I simply wanted to say thanks yet again. I am not sure the things that I would’ve sorted out without those tricks discussed by you concerning my field. It was actually the alarming scenario for me, however , taking a look at a new well-written mode you resolved that took me to leap over happiness. I am happier for your information and thus trust you know what a powerful job that you are undertaking instructing other individuals thru your web blog. I know that you haven’t come across all of us.

46
Google said

November 19, 2017 @ 10:03 pm

Every when in a even though we decide on blogs that we study. Listed beneath are the most recent sites that we pick out.

47

November 19, 2017 @ 10:34 pm

casino cash journey uk
safe online casino uk
online casino odds
online casino login
online casino japan

48

November 20, 2017 @ 1:10 am

Hey there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after checking through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely happy I found it and I’ll be book-marking and checking back frequently!|

49

November 20, 2017 @ 3:24 am

No matter if some one searches for his required thing, therefore he/she wants to be available that in detail, therefore that thing is maintained over here.|

Comment RSS · TrackBack URI

Leave a Comment