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Long-winded and winded

This week I put down a deposit for a super activity I will be doing in late May. The plan is to do a three day biking trip in the San Juans. It includes 3 islands, 80 miles of biking, 7.5 mile hike up Mt Constitution, an evening sail, zip-lining and more. I have done a couple of long bike rides but they were flat and not mixed in with other activities or done on consecutive days. I am very excited but also a little anxious about my need to train for this adventure.

So this week I stayed busy. Monday: Zumba, Tuesday: 3 miles snowshoeing and Zumba, Wednesday: 3 mile walk, Thursday: Yoga and Zumba, Friday: 3 mile run/walk, Saturday: 3 mile hike, Sunday: 3 mile run/walk and 6.25 bike ride. So much of the time was outside among beautiful scenery. It is balm for the soul. Then you add endorphines from getting my heart rate up, and it is perfect. Thankfully we have had great weather this week.

We had some great time as a family too. The kids, Olea and I went through Hazel Wolf Wetlands. We stopped for about 10 minutes talking to an owl that was hooting in the trees. It was magical. There are little log bridges and a boardwalk over the marsh (it is a little creepy when you are reminded of the Lord of the Rings movies). We spotted dormant huckleberry and salmon berry bushes. I taught the kids about Witch’s Hair (a stringy light green moss that hangs from the trees and is a sign of clean air). Another day the kids biked and scootered while I ran. It was dark by the time we got home and I was carrying Jasher and his scooter. I continue to be impressed by their energy and endurance. As soon as they got home, Alden wanted to play a game of freeze tag.

Saturday we went up Tiger Mountain and hiked the Adventure trail. It was really beautiful. My mom came and we had fun pointing out plant species and admiring all the nurse trees and stumps. After our hike we stopped and grabbed some flowers and brought them to Dad’s grave. Some grass is starting to grow. Just a little in clumps here and there. It still seems like a visual of my own process of healing.

Alden started soccer this week and never wanted to take his new jersey shirt off. Eden had testing this week in school and was delighted to be able to chew gum at school for the special occasion. We went for a play date with Ashley Clark after school one day. The kids now want a magic 8 ball after discovering one there.

The past couple of counseling sessions I have felt like I am just trying to fill the time. I was really hoping to feel like I had things to work on or to work through and think about after each session but it is becoming clearer that perhaps this is not the best fit for me. I instinctively question what I am doing wrong and what I need to change to make it more effective so it is difficult for me to accept that maybe I’m not the problem.

I have gotten pretty discouraged with the climbing number on the scale and my inability to make my quilting project look perfect the way I want it, and the fact that I am not natural at dance moves and that some things that I want to be or do just seem out of my reach. Poor Chad got blindsided by my breakdown on our way to a dance lesson Friday night. So I stayed in the car crying while Chad ran into the dance studio and told them we would not be joining as planned. Instead we decided to look at cars on auto row and do a test drive. It turns out that the newer Ford Fusions are pretty slick. Since they are a hybrid they get amazing gas mileage. It also turns out that we would rather find a little old Lexus and only pay a couple of grand rather than a small fortune. Turns out we are in the market for a second car.

Last night I had a night of pottery painting planned with Cheryl Meckley and another friend. It turned out to just be the two of us. Cheryl is a super validating person. I can tell when she disagrees with my thinking but she allows me to be depressed, overwhelmed, sad, pathetic, angry or whatever. She is a good friend. She appreciates me. It is so fulfilling to feel appreciated. We talked and talked while painting, then while eating yummy Thai food, then over hot chocolate and then in the parking lot. We closed everything down.

Posted by on February 1st, 2016


I am trying to get a consistent schedule of activities to do that help me exercise more consistently. With Zumba I get a two-fer. Rachel Terry is a blast to do it with; she is an exceptional instructor. Then I hang out with her after for lunch or something or another. After one of her classes when we were getting cleaned up she mentioned there was a Groupon deal for Tokyo Steakhouse in Bellevue. When I asked what the big deal was she was surprised I didn’t already know. We immediately purchased the Groupons and scheduled a triple date for a couple days later.

Rachelle and Cory Hrncirik, Rachel and Eric Terry and we met up at the restaurant at 8. We sat in couples and soon rearranged our seating arrangement so I could sit and chat with the girls instead of just listening to Eric and Chad talk. We had so much fun talking about everything including my worst date story. Then the men wanted to continue at Cheesecake factory. They are all such good company and it was only when poor Rachelle and Cory looked like they were going to melt that the party broke up. Chad was still ready to keep going. We are really blessed to have such a fun group around.

We had been really trying to get Jasher to take some responsibility with potty training. If we forced him to try and use the toilet every 30 minutes then things were fine but as soon as we started transitioning to allow him to listen to his body he proved that he is either incapable or completely uninterested in staying clean and dry.

Chad was home a few days during the week because of the holiday and to help out with Jasher. This was bad news for the wood pile. Chad is a rock star at keeping a gorgeous fire going in the fire place. He is always making trips outside to carry in more armfuls of wood. I love it. There is something very comforting about a fire.

Eden’s teacher, Mrs. Gerber asked us to recommit ourselves to waking early with Eden. She does so much better at school if she has more time with us in the morning and more time to wake up before school. Eden also had a special stake event to prepare her for her baptism this year, “It’s Great to Be Eight”. It was fun to show her the font and clothes. Then she and Alden, Chad and I went for a Blizzard at Dairy Queen, which was a fun throwback to when my mom would take us for treats there after church events.

Alden moved up in gymnastics so he is now attending a class at the same time as Eden and with his favorite coach, Coach Morgan. He really enjoys it and Coach Morgan really enjoys Alden. Alden also gave a talk in primary on Sunday. Alden refused help from all the adults at first. He said that he knew what he would say already. To humor him, I asked him to start giving us his talk as if it were already Sunday. He said, “Behold!”After thinking for a minute, then he admitted, “Maybe I do need a little help.”

I was able to do an open studio art class where I was able to finish up a dry point etching and make a bunch of prints. They turned out so fun. I can’t wait for another art class session to begin.

Sunday during our family meeting we started a new activity where we shared a brag. We each took turns pointing out the things each of our family members had done that we appreciated or were proud of as well as something that we ourselves had done that pleased us. The kids took to it far more than I anticipated. So now we are looking for things to brag about each Sunday.

Posted by on January 31st, 2016

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

The Ugly:

I have been struggling with my weight again. Gosh, I hate the way that sounds. I really wish I could just be fat and happy. Eat what I want. Sure I’ll have another one of those soul soothing baked goods. Mmm. However I have just enough discontent to feel like I am out of control, or feel unhappy with how I look or how my clothes fit. Just not quite enough to feel motivated to change. There is so much to change! I should eat more of ABC and less of XYZ. I should drink more water. I should weight train, I should be more consistent with exercising. I should change the way I perceive myself. I should not use food as a reward or an emotional bandaid. Ummm… so…. I quit. I am so easily overwhelmed by all of the things I need to change.

The Bad:

Stupid, stupid car. Did you hear my tires are ruined? You know, the ones we just replaced a year ago? It turns out alignment is important and ours was off. Cha-ching! Almost $500 for two stupid tires plus 3 trips to the shop just to get them on. First they sold me the wrong tire size, oops! Then after they put the spare on and we had to take the original rim and tire out to move something I forgot it at home. Three trips of being stranded because we only have one car. So I had the alignment checked and the 60k servicing done. But apparently this part needed replacing and that fluid needed flushing. $1000. No biggie. I bought myself cheesecake to console myself.

The Good:

Save the best for last. Chad and I had a dance lesson date. We had forgotten so much and knew we were so bad but we had a great time together. We got to go see Sean Meckley play in an ice hockey game and saw him score! Time with the Meckleys is always fun. Earlier in the week I was asked to sing “A Child’s Prayer” for a Relief Society activity. Kaye Cook asked me because she had a powerful personal experience when my mom and I sang the duet back when I was 8 years old. I would have never known that I did something that would impact someone like that. It was like a little glimpse into my own “It’s a Wonderful Life” story. Oh, and we watched The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. It was most excellent.

Posted by on January 21st, 2016