Author Archive

This week in the life and times of the Parry Family:

Dancing the night away, high stakes gambling, extravagant purchases, exotic travels, crushing victories. Stay tuned for all the juicy details.

Chad and I got some extra time together this week starting with a failed attempt to buy a 1999 Lexus ES 300 we found for sale on craigslist. The car looked like it was in great shape. The carfax checked out but after having a mechanic look at it before we bought it we discovered the engine was misfiring. Problematic. So we decided that we would pop into some dealerships on our way home. This ended in us buying a 1998 Lexus ES300 that had just been traded in. We are so excited! These little old Lexus are such great cars! All of a sudden our tight driving schedule of 3 adults with 1 vehicle is filled with many more options and flexibility! Hooray!

Chad and I also had a great date night at our dance lessons. We worked on the Foxtrot. It felt like we were catching on pretty well. We managed to learn a few steps that made of feel like we were dancing rather than just plotting out steps. It was relaxing and fun. The instructors at Pacific Dance are really encouraging. I feel self conscious about my size (I think I look like an ungraceful Amazon Woman) and they are great at putting me at ease.

Eden and I went on a special trip together to Boise for Jane’s baptism. The drive was actually really relaxing. We arrived in time to meet Jeff and Sarah, the girls, John, Renee and Jordyn for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. I took the cousins over to Claire’s to get Eden some new “dangly” earrings and we found a set of key chains for them. The kids played together so well. The next day moved from one thing to the next. We were busy. But Jane’s baptism was very nice. Eden was so happy to be there! Then the next day we headed home. Completely worth it.

While we were away. Chad had a poker night with Sean and Olea. A bunch of people planned to join in but they all had things come up. Chad also took Alden to a Chess tournament. Alden was so proud to bring home a trophy for participation. When he called to tell Eden and I we were so excited for him!

Posted by on February 9th, 2016

Dumb Dog

We had the missionaries over for dinner this week. One of the missionaries, Elder Hunt or Hunter (I can’t remember which is which), is from Gridley, CA. His family was living there and attended the same ward as I served in, Gridley 3rd. Granted this missionary was 8 years old. I have no recollection of him nor him of me but it was fun to pull out my missionary stuff and reminisce.

It is pretty awkward to have missionaries over. I am not super grounded in my testimony so I don’t have the desire to shout it from the mountain tops. Missionaries have a number of challenges they propose to help strengthen faith. Daily family scriptures. Check! (We are on 220 days in a row!) Family home evening. Check! (with our family planning meeting the night before, it gets done and we look forward to it.) Then there is personal prayer and scriptures. Not checked.

I am much more at ease with where I am at spiritually right now. I am okay with not knowing and not feeling. It is easier. A few months ago when I was super insecure about what I must be doing wrong to cause me to feel so forsaken or guilty or abandoned and unworthy or just not one of God’s chosen, I tried very hard to do ALL the things that would help me feel closer to God. I prayed and felt alone. I read scriptures and felt confused and angry and overwhelmed. I went to the temple and felt uncomfortable and like an outsider. All these things that used to bring such peace, strength and understanding were now the source of great despair, shame and solitude.

My relationship with God is not a priority right now. In Anne of Green Gables Anne says, “God made my hair red on purpose, and I’ve never cared about Him since.” I relate a lot with Anne. I have had unrealistic expectations. I thought if I knocked, my way to God would be opened. I believed that God loved me, I believed that He would help me to find hope and peace when everything felt hopeless. I counted on it. I professed it. Then I was left. Alone. Empty. Or at least unable to find my way. So I don’t trust God. I feel like a dog that has been beat by it’s owner and still remains loyal. I keep creeping back with my tail between my legs hoping that maybe this time He’ll acknowledge me. It is just easier on my heart to resolve, like Anne, not to care.

Posted by on February 9th, 2016

Long-winded and winded

This week I put down a deposit for a super activity I will be doing in late May. The plan is to do a three day biking trip in the San Juans. It includes 3 islands, 80 miles of biking, 7.5 mile hike up Mt Constitution, an evening sail, zip-lining and more. I have done a couple of long bike rides but they were flat and not mixed in with other activities or done on consecutive days. I am very excited but also a little anxious about my need to train for this adventure.

So this week I stayed busy. Monday: Zumba, Tuesday: 3 miles snowshoeing and Zumba, Wednesday: 3 mile walk, Thursday: Yoga and Zumba, Friday: 3 mile run/walk, Saturday: 3 mile hike, Sunday: 3 mile run/walk and 6.25 bike ride. So much of the time was outside among beautiful scenery. It is balm for the soul. Then you add endorphines from getting my heart rate up, and it is perfect. Thankfully we have had great weather this week.

We had some great time as a family too. The kids, Olea and I went through Hazel Wolf Wetlands. We stopped for about 10 minutes talking to an owl that was hooting in the trees. It was magical. There are little log bridges and a boardwalk over the marsh (it is a little creepy when you are reminded of the Lord of the Rings movies). We spotted dormant huckleberry and salmon berry bushes. I taught the kids about Witch’s Hair (a stringy light green moss that hangs from the trees and is a sign of clean air). Another day the kids biked and scootered while I ran. It was dark by the time we got home and I was carrying Jasher and his scooter. I continue to be impressed by their energy and endurance. As soon as they got home, Alden wanted to play a game of freeze tag.

Saturday we went up Tiger Mountain and hiked the Adventure trail. It was really beautiful. My mom came and we had fun pointing out plant species and admiring all the nurse trees and stumps. After our hike we stopped and grabbed some flowers and brought them to Dad’s grave. Some grass is starting to grow. Just a little in clumps here and there. It still seems like a visual of my own process of healing.

Alden started soccer this week and never wanted to take his new jersey shirt off. Eden had testing this week in school and was delighted to be able to chew gum at school for the special occasion. We went for a play date with Ashley Clark after school one day. The kids now want a magic 8 ball after discovering one there.

The past couple of counseling sessions I have felt like I am just trying to fill the time. I was really hoping to feel like I had things to work on or to work through and think about after each session but it is becoming clearer that perhaps this is not the best fit for me. I instinctively question what I am doing wrong and what I need to change to make it more effective so it is difficult for me to accept that maybe I’m not the problem.

I have gotten pretty discouraged with the climbing number on the scale and my inability to make my quilting project look perfect the way I want it, and the fact that I am not natural at dance moves and that some things that I want to be or do just seem out of my reach. Poor Chad got blindsided by my breakdown on our way to a dance lesson Friday night. So I stayed in the car crying while Chad ran into the dance studio and told them we would not be joining as planned. Instead we decided to look at cars on auto row and do a test drive. It turns out that the newer Ford Fusions are pretty slick. Since they are a hybrid they get amazing gas mileage. It also turns out that we would rather find a little old Lexus and only pay a couple of grand rather than a small fortune. Turns out we are in the market for a second car.

Last night I had a night of pottery painting planned with Cheryl Meckley and another friend. It turned out to just be the two of us. Cheryl is a super validating person. I can tell when she disagrees with my thinking but she allows me to be depressed, overwhelmed, sad, pathetic, angry or whatever. She is a good friend. She appreciates me. It is so fulfilling to feel appreciated. We talked and talked while painting, then while eating yummy Thai food, then over hot chocolate and then in the parking lot. We closed everything down.

Posted by on February 1st, 2016